Sour Grapes

In case you haven't noticed, I've taken a two-month hiatus from blogging.  The reason? Not one in particular.  General laziness? Lack of motivation? Etc?

To be honest, I've felt like a complete fraud for the past few weeks.  I started this blog to focus on the good in life and I've done anything but.  T'was the season, but I was far from feeling the holiday spirit.
It shouldn't be this way. I recently started ANOTHER new job where I'm slowly but surely learning that with great power truly does come great responsibility. I'm still blessed with an outstanding relationship and great friends.  It shouldn't be this way at all.

I believe they call this a slump.

The straw? I sadly let this "slump" get to me as I found myself overly emotional (and not in a good way...) at the stroke of midnight on New Year's Eve. Tears and a 12:06 bedtime on a night that should have been full of bubbling champagne, giggles, hugs and passionate kisses? NOT ok, girl.

So...what am I gonna do about it?  I'm going to resolve to resume the happy. And I'm going to stick to my resolution.  No statistically sound February 12 quit date. 2012 is my year, and I'm going to see to that.  I've put it out there...here...in public. I'm holding myself to it.  Here's how I'll start:

1) Blog. The more I write about the happy the more I'll think about the happy.  It's the whole reason I started a second blog and I vow to stick to it with more fervor this year.

2) Run.  Hey, surprise. I ran a half marathon in October of this year.  And I sucked at it. In May of 2009 I ran 13.1 miles in 2 hours and 10 minutes. In October of this year It took me 3 hours and 8 minutes. Almost an entire hour's difference.  Last month I signed up for the 2012 Pittsburgh Marathon and actually convinced PID to do it by my side.  I vow to train the way I should to not only make it easier for myself, but help me to lose the 50 pounds I've gained since 2009. I have a strong feeling that the weight is a major contributor to the sadness. If I can melt it away I can do anything. 

Though "losing weight" isn't my actual resolution, it's something I'd like to track. To keep myself honest that I'm actually running.

And so this journey begins....again.

My Daily Happy #7

Milestones...

Five years ago I graduated from college and gained 28 pounds. I had never been "small," even back in high school -- so 29 pounds was an unwelcomed addition to my person. I wasn't very good at self control or discipline and found it really difficult to lose the weight... that is, until my life changed drastically.

The boy I had dated all through college and I went separate ways and I found myself with a lot more free time and a lot more reasons to discover who I really was as a person and find a way to love her. So I began to run. It was a slow process (and I was a slow runner), but after a few months of training I moved on to run 4 half marathons in 2 years.

Just by running, I lost 45 pounds. In the best shape, physically and mentally, I'd ever been in my life. I was feeling amazing.  But I was single, working an 8:30-5 job and had a lot of free time on my hands.

It was during this time that I met PID and my life, once again, started to change for the better. 

But a few months after we started dating, I developed a cyst in my knee which stopped me from running. Then I started working at a job that demanded a lot more of my time.  Pair that with my recently discovered love of baking, and I got myself back to my original post-college weight plus a few pounds.  I had a last-straw moment a little over a month ago when I saw a photo of myself that brought tears to my eyes.

We're all happy and having a wonderful time, but I had never seen myself so heavy in a photograph, and it was time to do something about it. 

Step 1: try to start running again.

It was a rough start, just like it had been before -- only this time it wasn't just a lack of experience. It was knee surgery and a sprained ankle on top of an incredibly overwhelming schedule. Not that I'm making excuses, it just added to my already lazy demeanor.

My milestone and daily happy FINALLY took place yesterday morning when I ran my first race (it was a 5K, but it was SOMETHING!) in two years. I had a hard time with it, but I did it it and only walked twice.  It was the best time I'd put out since I started training again -- under a 12 minute mile.  And I got to do it with my friends (and my dog).

I used to run a long-distance 9.5 minute mile and I know I've got a long way to go, but the fact that I crossed the finish line means I'm doing it. I'm making an effort and that's all it took to get me started a few years ago...and I can't wait to keep going.